Time … that old b******d!

Well, the time may be now. But what is this thing called time? It rules our lives like an invisible, omnipotent god. It makes a more than regular appearance in our everyday language. It heals all wounds (… apparently. I’m still waiting … but that’s not for today.) It waits for no-one. You can be ahead or behind it. You can be in the nick of it, race against it and you can have it on your hands. It is our past, present and who the hell knows what time may mean for any of us in the future. When you are young, it seems there’s plenty of it ahead but then it starts to fly… Old Father Time’s tick-tock-tick seems for all the world to set a faster pace now than before. What we thought once was our friend becomes the arch-enemy we struggle to defy, subjugating ourselves helplessly to the inevitability of its passing.

There are days when I throw my hands in the air in desperation at the passing of time. Because that old bastard, Old Father Time, sucks. As the name of this blog suggests, I also suck. I suck out all the marrow of life. I really do – I try my best: past, present and future. I stick up my finger – ruefully – at my life’s seemingly endless bad plot lines (you couldn’t make this shit up, believe me) and try, in vain usually, to re-write the script (the author is a stubborn old … oh, never mind). I suck, I have sucked and I will continue to suck! But, let’s get real for a second here, sometimes I suck at sucking. Because as I suck, it sucks too. Time sucks. Time has sucked, does suck and will probably suck in the future too. As I am busy sucking out all the marrow of life, that bloody old bastard is doing the same thing to my life. To me. To my body – as if chewing and gnawing away at my carcass, at my very being, until my bare bones are tossed into the dirt stripped, exposed, unprotected. Such is the helplessness I feel at the mercy of the cruel, degenerative diseases which pursue me so relentlessly.

Both physically and mentally, it is painful, frightening and tiring. Tick-tock-tick-tock goes the Grandfather clock: time is vanishing before my very eyes. Die Zeit geht dahin. The worst is, no matter what I try, like Strauss’s Marschallin, I cannot seem to stop all the clocks.

Yet, I go on sucking – as hard as my lips and cheeks will allow.